We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our little girl, Caitiejane. We are of course BEYOND excited to be welcoming a little girl and a second baby. However, I have been thinking about Gardner a lot. When we first found out we were pregnant with baby #2 my initial thought was, "Gardner is going to have his world rocked when the new baby arrives." Now, I think my world is going to be changed more than his. 

Gardner is the only grandchild on both sides, so to say he's a little spoiled is an understatement. Still, I have absolutely loved giving him all my attention as the only child. (He hasn't exactly complained about this either.) As I start to think about splitting my attention between him and another child it makes me a little sad to have to say goodbye to my only child. 

Perhaps that's a little dramatic. 

Of course, I will still make time to read books to him, play with him, run around with him, and laugh with him, but I know my attention will be divided. In a way, I'm mourning the loss of my only child in favor of a larger family. I have no regrets about our decision to expand our family, but I know that I will be sad when he is no longer the center of my world. 

Gardner has taught me so much about love, laughter, patience, and happiness. I can't possibly imagine that I can love another child like I love my little boy, and yet, when Caitiejane arrives I have no doubt that my heart will explode with even more love than I can fathom at this moment. 

My first child has kept me laughing through all the milestones from crawling to walking to running and babbling. Seeing everything as new and exciting through his eyes has been such a blessing to me. His arrival altered our world in such a positive way, despite the challenges we sometimes faced.

I wonder, will baby #2 be the same way as Gardner, pleasant, sweet, and independent? Will she be just as funny as him? Will she make me laugh like he does? Will she shower us with kisses?The uncertainty has me on pins and needles. 

At the same time, I wonder, will Gardner learn to love her as much as we do? Will he be jealous? Will he care for her? Will they be best friends? Will he adjust to being a sibling child with grace?

Will I have the strength to care for two kids? Will I be able to make them both feel loved in the same way I've made Gardner feel as an only child? Will I continue to be able to nurture them as individuals? Will I be able to embrace life as a mom of two?

I can't possibly know the answers to these questions. I just have to take the adventure one day at a time, just as I have with my first child.

Gardner as an only child has been special and I'm sad that his time as an only child is coming to a close. I pray that he continues to laugh with us, learn new things, and embrace life and its many changes that await him. 

With that, I woefully say "goodbye" to my only child, and "hello" to a world where Gardner will be one of two kids in our house. I'm sad to see it end, and yet joyful to embrace new life and a new family structure.