The term “work at homeschool mom” might feel like an oxymoron. I can’t tell you how many times I get the question, “how do you work at home and homeschool your kids?” Trust me when I say, “It’s not perfect!” Some days we are VERY productive with school and I’m keeping up with all the work responsibilities and other days I wonder if I’m going to be able to serve both my kids and my job. Some days my kids suffer, and some days I work at night and on the weekends to catch up. Some days I’m burnt out and want to give up, but the good days outweigh the tougher ones.

At the start of writing this, I’m on a park bench on my lunch break typing this while my kids play on the playground. I’m also about 15 minutes away from a meeting I scheduled. There is a lot to like about it and a lot to cringe at.

My 6 and 3 year old kids are covered in dirt on their hands and faces because they’re drawing in the dirt. They may or may not also be pretending they are warriors with war paint to look like wolves. My 8 and 4 year old kids are pretending to have their own drink vending station and are navigating who is in charge of the pretend play. It may or may not escalate into a full blown argument just in time for me to start this next meeting. Also, my 3 year old just shared his sand pile all over my pants… the best.

I love listening to them play, imagine, and create.

I’m also watching the email notifications come in as I type and my mind is thinking about the next set of tasks I need to complete. I’m wondering if I’ll be working after soccer practice tonight, or if I can get it all done this afternoon.

Yet, I feel lucky. These are the moments that I can’t get back. Even if I’m juggling trying to be a good mom and a good employee at the same time. For the moments that I’m working, I don’t feel bad about not being their playmate since they are learning to be independent on their own and work out their disagreements.

I’m so fortunate to have a job that I can take anywhere, hook-up to a hotspot, and fully function. A job that is flexible enough that I can work whenever I’m able.

I’m also lucky that my kids are flexible. When my job requires me to be out of town they manage part of their schoolwork with minimal supervision. When I have a meeting and have to re-arrange my goals of getting school done before lunch each morning, they take it in stride. We either do less that day, or we work after lunch to get things accomplished. This is a miracle, especially considering that my oldest is autistic and thrives on routine. Yet, somehow when I have to change our schedule he doesn’t seem phased. It might be that I don’t put up times on the board for our schedule, but instead a checklist of what we need to do each day. It’s these kinds of accommodations that I’ve learned to make for our family to function.

The kids and I came up with homeschool rules at the beginning of the year, which include having fun, being open to learning, being respectful, and of course no television or video games between 8:30 a.m. and 3 p.m. I think the only one they remember is about the TV and video game time. My 4 year old starts asking what time it is starting around 2 p.m. each day because he is FULLY aware of what time he can play video games.

I selected an online curriculum for 80% of their learning, which means, I don’t have to be the teacher most of the time. I act more like a teacher’s assistant and classroom manager. So far, no one has complained.

There are some days that I worry that I’m not giving them enough instruction. But then I have moments where my 8 year old, who just completed a unit on force is telling me all the playground equipment that requires force and which forces are push and which ones are pull. I guess I’m not doing so bad.

The other great thing is that any trips to a museum either during the week or on the weekend counts as school. A trip to get the oil changed in the car is learning about transactions, maintenance schedules, and the economy. Life is learning for us (including to be quiet when mommy is in a meeting - which they are still learning).

The kids that are over 5 years old make their own lunches and help the other ones make theirs. It’s not easy, but we’ve created a system that seems to work out okay.

I always do my best to make myself available to my colleagues for calls, emails, meetings, and texts. After all, my job is also incredibly important to my family’s success.

Still, we have hard moments when no one wants to come to the table to start school. When I have to threaten to take their precious TV and video game time away for days. Sometimes my younger two have had too much screen time and online learning and I realize that they need a detox. Their behavior during those times are full of tantrums, but after a few hours without screens we can usually reset.

I can’t sit here and say it’s easy. I can occasionally be found at my desk on the weekends and I’m always completely exhausted when I fall into bed each night. My house is in a constant state of disarray. With 4 kids left to their own creative endeavors after lunch each day they are really good at being creative and making messes.

I have a super supportive husband who makes it his mission to give me a clean kitchen each night. The laundry might still be in the dryer from 2 days ago, but I’ll get there eventually. It’s all a balancing act.

What I know is that, I’m so grateful to be able to spend this time with my kids and still have the working part of my identity. The work at homeschool mom identity is possible. It takes time to foster a routine that works and lots of patience, but I feel like the kids and I are in it together. We are learning and growing together and figure it out one day at a time. It’s not perfect, but it’s working for us.