Being able to "have it all" is something that I think about a lot. As a mom that works outside the home I'm in a constant work-life juggle to try and be all things to all people and have it all at the same time. Sometimes it feels like wanting to have my cake and eat it too. I always bring up how I can achieve this in conversation too, giving thanks to those that support me in my work life and home life. I couldn't do it all or have it all without them. Still, what does it actually mean to say that as moms we want to have it all?

It means you decide

Having it all isn't mandated by what society thinks. The only person that can decide what your life looks like is you. For some people, quitting their job and staying at home to raise their family means that they are living a life where they "have it all." For others, it means creating their own business with flexibility to work at home and raise kids. This becomes their life of "having it all". I've chosen to work outside the home and I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I get to interact with incredibly intelligent people, work on projects that are fulfilling, and raise my kids at the same time, even if that simply means playing with them after work and putting them to bed at night. And let's face it, sometimes I live for the weekends, but that's not any different than most of society. 

The point here is that having it all means different things to different people. It means that you don't have to check the same boxes to be satisfied with your life. Everyone's boxes are going to be different.  

It means it's okay to evolve your priorities

Just because you have it all now doesn't mean that you can't change what that means in the future and alter your priorities. I've always said that I'm "not a baby person." Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids and every stage they go through (well maybe not every stage). Still, the baby stage where they sit there and do nothing isn't exactly my cup of tea. In my perfect world I would have my FMLA time split between the first 6 weeks postpartum at home to recover and the other six weeks for when they are about 18 months old and I can really start to teach them things. 

Even as your kids get older priorities will change. Right now, it's important to be able to be at home when I have sick kids. In the future, it will be more important to leave work early to get to an after school activity, whatever that may be. As life changes, priorities change too. 

It means sometimes you struggle

My perfect picture of "having it all" involves working and being a mom, but sometimes one of these things suffer. Does that mean I will never have it all? Not quite, it's just that sometimes my work needs my attention more than my family, or that my family needs more attention than my work. Even if I struggle to find enough time to cuddle with my kids every day or answer all the emails in my inbox doesn't mean that I will forever struggle. It doesn't mean that I don't have it all. By my standards, these seasons are normal and will come and go faster than you can blink. Sometimes you just have to weather the storm to get back to feeling on top of the world. Sometimes it feels like a struggle, but it shouldn't. It's just life, with or without kids. 

Conclusion

I don't believe in work-life balance. I don't think it exists. I do think that striving to have everything that makes sense to your family is really what is more important. There will be challenges and those challenges will change, but in the end having it all is really up to you.