I write often about the difficulties of trying to have it all… or at least look like I have it all. The work-life juggle (as I call it) is just that… a juggle. Because time is finite. There is no “making the pie bigger” as you often can when you negotiate something. Unless someone has access to a time machine? And if so, I’m in and I will pay you! Time is a scarce resource and making the most of every moment and opportunity can become a lot of pressure. Every busy mom knows that there will always be competing priorities. Sometimes you have to choose between your kids’ party at school and that conference call with a client. Or between meeting that work deadline and laying in bed with your kid at night. At the end of the day, you’re only one person with 24 hours. So what’s a busy mom to do?

Know Your Values

Of course providing for your family is always at the top of your list and you need money to do that. So for those working moms out there, I’m in no way saying jeopardize your job so you can spend time with your kids. However, feeling like you can’t miss even a single event at school in fear of being labeled a “bad mom” is complete absurdity. Understanding your values is the key to letting the rest go. By figuring out what is important to you will help dictate how you live your life and run your household.

Make a list

I recommend making a list of all the things that take up your time. This can include household chores, kids’ sports, kids’ school events, working, Netflix, preparing meals, etc. You can get as broad or as detailed as possible here.

Decide what you value

The next step is to rank them from most important to least important. This will help show you what you value. I put family dinners at the top of my list. It’s not something that happens every night, but it does happen at least four times a week, which I consider a success.

I also value nighttime routines. Right now, we start with brushing teeth, reading books as a family, saying prayers together, then laying down for bed. It is by far my favorite part of the day that truly allows us to connect as a family. I push all calls and emails to the side to fully be present for this time. And still, it doesn’t happen every night as sometimes I travel for work, and once a week my husband serves at our church.

Understanding that these are two important values for me means that if I can’t make the school party, I can at least still hear about it in the evening.

Something that’s not at the top of my list is deep cleaning the house. There are people that can’t sleep unless the house is spotless. That someone is not me. Now, I’m not saying that I live in a filthy house, but putting off the vacuuming one extra week than intended isn’t the worst thing ever.

I do like a clean kitchen at the end of the night, but even that falls to the wayside in favor of sleep most times, which I put in the self-care category and is ranked higher than cleaning in my list of values.

Communicate

Once you understand what you value, communicate it to everyone. I want my kids to remember that I was there cheering on the sidelines of a sporting event, but that my work is also important, and sometimes I just can’t do both. These may compete for my attention from time to time. And yet, I feel that I can teach them the importance of being dependable and hard-working by showing them that I will always try to be there for them and also for my clients.

I also clearly communicate these values to my colleagues and supervisor. I’m so lucky to work in an environment that understands when I have a sick child, or need to leave early to make it back for a school event, or come in late to take care of appointments. It’s not that work isn’t a priority. In fact, I thrive at work and it certainly takes up most of my day. Clearly communicating my values is very helpful to everyone that I work with.

Get creative

Having a home cooked meal every night of the week is a pipe dream. As much as I like family dinners together, it’s less about the meal and more about the togetherness for me. So frozen pizza or chicken nuggets and fries are often the meals that we can manage. Still, family togetherness can be obtained by having the kids help you prepare a meal. Even my four-year-old likes to make his own scrambled eggs (under my supervision, of course).

There are ways you can live out your values without feeling like you have to do it all.

Let yourself off the hook

For the things that fall to the bottom of your values list, let it go!

Throwing the "perfect Pinterest party”? This is at the way bottom of my list. Relationships are more important than the decorations you had at the party. I have fond memories of getting together with my cousins and friends for parties than I do about what kind of balloons we had.

Organizing a class gift for my kids’ teachers? While I would love to help pick out a gift, I’ve decided that sending my $5 aligns more with my values. And don’t get me wrong, I so appreciate the parents that value this and want to do this! We all have our values and talents, and I’m so grateful for those that pickup where I lack.

Those dust bunnies in the corner? They can wait. Until your 9 month old finds them and tries to eat them, then maybe it’s time to clean… just me? Until I can afford to hire someone to do this I’ll be relying on my 9 month old to show me where all the dirt is. He’s a really good signal it’s time to clean, way better than my Outlook reminder. And you know what? I’m fine with it. My kids are happy! And at the end of the day isn’t that all that matters?

I want my kids to remember that I showed up for them, not that I stood at the sink every night to make my kitchen spotless. Some things can wait. I’m not perfect at this, but I’m reminded every day that moments can be fleeting and I value little moments above everything else.