I know I’ve spent many car rides commuting back and forth to work over the years thinking that I would do certain things “if I only had more time.” Well, here we are. With the pandemic of COVID-19 we ALL have more time. More time to spend time together, organize, exercise, or some other lofty goal we had. I’m sure many of us have chosen instead to binge watch “Tiger King.” I mean I just can’t look away from that train wreck!

At the same time, I’m striving for just “average parenting” and this is a big deal. I am the girl that sat at the front of the class, raised my hand, got straight A’s, and did the extra credit when I didn’t need to. Parenting on the other hand doesn’t have any of these things to validate my decisions. In the past, I have often felt like I’m failing as a parent, now I have the time to put in. You would think that I would be feeling like I’m acing this thing now. But in fact my new goal is to be in the “C” range.

A friend recently asked me how I was really doing. In all honesty, I have cut myself so much slack on perfection that I feel pretty good. Am I still a rock star at work?… eh… I’m getting my job done, but maybe not to the speed and efficiency I once did.

Am I killing it as a parent with all this time used to curate the perfect lesson plan and relationship with my kids?… eh… They probably sit in front of screens longer than I sometimes like. There are sometimes fun crafts happening, or building forts, or playing pretend outside while I read emails, but all in all, I’m just trying to get by. Sometimes that means one extra episode of “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse”… okay fine it was two extra episodes, but it was part 2 of 2 so I couldn’t interrupt that, right? I don’t think I’m teaching them everything they need to know to go to kindergarten eventually, but I’m okay with that.

Have I kept a spotless house, organized all their clothes that don’t fit, and made them pick up their toys every night?… eh… sometimes? Nah, who am I kidding like 30% of that stuff is getting done.

Have I used my extra time that I’m no longer commuting to get my exercise in early?… eh… no. Just straight no. I decided to get some extra sleep! #notsorry

All the time I’m spending being “just okay” at all my jobs makes me wonder if I’m squandering this opportunity to be a better version of me. Am I missing an opportunity to truly connect with my kids, completely “Marie Kondo” my house, and train for a half marathon? Too often, you can find me catching up on work so late at night that I’m not sure my sentences even make sense.

While the thought of this “stay at home order” going on forever gives me anxiety, I am proud to say that I’m good. I’m good being average at all my jobs. I’m learning to let go of my rigidity. This unexpected break from “the grind” may be exactly what my perfectionist self needed.

I think I’m living my best life right now. Or at least my best life given the circumstances. I wouldn’t say that I have extra time. I still have the same 168 hours in a week, that hasn’t changed, but how we’re all living has. While I could write that I feel like I’m losing time, time to really shine at my job and add new skills to my resume, time to connect with my kids like never before, time to organize all the kids’ rooms, and time to prep for that half marathon, I’m not.

I feel like I’m embracing all that life has thrown at me, even if I’m holed up at home with four children that are incredibly sweet, ridiculously loud, hysterically funny, and yet sometimes make me want to pull my hair out. Time hasn’t really slowed down, but we have. And I haven’t lost any time, because I’m out here living it. Even if the “living” is from my own backyard.

Time is only lost if you forget to live.