So many of us have instantly become work at home parents during this uncertain time of COVID-19. Since my husband is considered essential it’s just me at home everyday with the kids (also with some help from my brother-in-law during the day). I’m so glad that I have a job that is able to be done from home because I know that not everyone is so fortunate.

I knew that being at home with four kids wouldn’t be easy and I was right. While I’m trying to juggle working and entertaining a 5, 3, 2, and 10 month old I have to keep reminding myself to give myself a break. Here I am thinking that I can have it all, but I can’t possibly be all things to all people, and if I try, I will be the one that breaks.

At the same time, I remember back to a time when I was completely torn up about missing all these precious moments. I have always been strong in my conviction to be a “work outside the home mom.” Honestly, I’m good at what I do and I like the break from the kids (not sorry). Still, there would be times where I would be sad to be missing their first steps or the painting they did at daycare. I would think, “that could be me doing that at home, building that bond with them, and I’m missing that.”

Here we are in 2020 and I get to have the best of both worlds… sort of. I have gotten to spend time painting with the kids, teaching them about numbers and shapes, and reading to them, which is the best of the parenting world. I have also gotten to deal with the epic tantrums and meltdowns that occur, break up physical fights during the day, and play referee to decide who gets to play with a particular toy first. It is in these moments that I remember why I’m a work outside the home mom. I mean who can really do this all day? It’s the worst!!

This is why I enjoy the respite of work. I have incredibly supportive co-workers at my paying job that stay in touch and are patient with the timing of my responses to the emails that they send me. And yet, I have found ways to become much more proficient at my job, by waking up early to do focused tasks before the kids get up and playing catch up with emails during nap time. Amen for nap time!

I’ve written a lot over the years about trying to have it all and the pressure of being a working mom where the expectation often is to work like you don’t have kids and parent like you don’t have to work. I’ve sometimes wondered if I was “mom enough.” Now I get to be parent, worker, teacher, and referee all at the same time.

The role of a parent is hard for sure. I have always had so much respect for the stay at home moms out there because it is a thankless job. I used to think I couldn’t do it. While there may be times during these next few weeks that I lock myself in my room away from my kids, I’m trying to remember that I shouldn’t treat this gift like a burden. Not everyday is easy, and it’s certainly not perfect (thank God for screens and naps), but I’m reminded to be grateful for this unexpected time I get to have with them and try to make it as memorable as possible.

After this month, I vow to no longer feel guilty about missing moments or being a work outside the home mom. I’m sure in thirty days time I think I’ll have had enough of them and be ready to send them all back to daycare. In the meantime, I’ll be taking deep breaths, trying to keep my sense of humor, throwing daily craft parties, and working during the kids’ down time knowing that I can only do my best and that “best” will be good enough.