I always talk to my friends about stay at home moms (SAHM). I praise those that are SAHMs because frankly I couldn't do it. It requires a lot of patience, sacrifice, and attention, but then again, being a working mom requires exactly these same attributes.
I guess personally, the job of stay at home my just isn't for me. However, there is an interesting perception out there about working moms that came across my email a few weeks ago. It came from a co-worker of mine who has kids and was sent to myself and two other women in the office that also have young kids. I'm sure many of us can relate.
“The obligation for working mothers is a very precise one: the feeling that one ought to work as if one did not have children, while raising one’s children as if one did not have a job.”
What an impossible feat and yet rings so true!
I go to work everyday to do my job. My job requires my full attention. While my co-workers are always great about asking how my son is, my clients and others want my full attention and don't necessarily care that the little 16 month old boy I left at home this morning had a runny nose, or didn't sleep well last night. The expectation is that I should function as if I don't have kids. Now I'm not saying that my clients are insensitive, that's the furthest from the truth! I'm also not saying that I should be entitled to bring my home life to work. Still, the fact remains that there is enormous unspoken pressure for just about any working mom out there to perform at the highest possible level possible at work.
The same standard is applied at home. The little boy at home doesn't care about my rough day at work. He simply wants to be snuggled and read to. He wants my attention and my love. I hope to raise him with good manners, in a house full of love, as if I was there all day and night. The fact is, I just can't be there all day and night.
The expectation is to be super mom! Perform great at work and raise amazing kids!
Now this may surprise some people, but I don't feel guilty about my decision to be a working mom (as hard as it sometimes can be). When I first went back to work after having Gardner I was pained with guilt about my decision. Over time, I gained a different perspective about work-life balance. Balance does not exist because time is divisible. There are only so many hours in a day. However, just because time is divisible does not mean that my feelings are. My love of what I do and my love for my son and soon-to-arrive daughter is not divisible, but instead exponential. I love my son and baby-to-be more than anything in the world. I am also truly satisfied and love my job. My love does not have to be divided.
I want my son and future daughter to know that I work, so that they can have the things they need in life and that working is an important part of life. I want to show them what hard work means. Working gives me pride, the same way that seeing them succeed gives me joy.
I also want them to know that I will try my hardest to never miss the important moments in their lives. Even if I miss their first steps, it will be special the first time I see it. If I miss a sporting event one night I want to hear all about it, so that I can imagine what it was like being there. The important thing I hope to show them is that I am always there for them, even if I can't physically always be present.
Here's to all the parents out there working or not. We are charged with raising kids to the best of our ability in whatever circumstances we have, and that alone is commendable.
Share your story about the pressure you feel as a working parent or stay at home parent. I'd love to hear about it!