Dear Mom with Postpartum Depression,
I know that you are doubting your decision right now to become a mom. Everyone around you is so excited for your new baby. You're thinking, "How can I be surrounded by so much joy and yet feel so empty?" You desperately wish you could share in the elation that they feel, but in reality just getting through the day is difficult.
Rest assured, you're not alone.
Although you spend all day and night with your new little one, you sometimes struggle to get out of bed or tend to your baby's cry. In fact, the baby's cry sometimes sounds like nails on a chalkboard... you cringe. Sometimes you yell at your baby in a futile attempt to get them to tell you what they want. Naturally, they respond with more crying.
You need to know that you can ask for help. Those people that are excited about your bundle of joy would love the opportunity to show their support, they just need to know how. Asking for help doesn't mean you're a bad mom. It means you're a strong mom that understands that caring for yourself will make you an even better mom to your new baby. Ask them to watch your baby so you can nap or shower, ask them to prepare a hot meal for you, ask them to assist you on your trip to the grocery store. You do not need to feel alone.
In moments of darkness, you may doubt your ability to keep another human alive. You might feel like you're in a haze and wonder if other people feel like this after giving birth. Why does everyone else make it look so easy?
Seek a support group to help with your transition to your new mom life. There are other moms out there that have gone through this exact scenario and they have more wisdom than you could imagine. You do not need to do it alone, or feel alone with postpartum depression.
You may cry... a lot.
Seek peace that this is not your fault. Your hormonal levels are haywire after birth. Having a baby can wreck havoc on your emotions and your physical self. Everything you thought you knew about motherhood may seem like a lie, but hang in there.
You mourn the loss of your former self. Life is different now, and the ecstatic feeling you were expecting to have upon birth just hasn't arrived. You crave your old life, before you had your baby, where you could leave the house without feeling insecure and flooded with anxiety. You miss your old life where you showered, got out of bed, and felt like a productive member of society. You may think, how did I get here? Why did I choose this? Understand that you won't be able to go back to that "old life" , but making a new normal for you and your family will be important for your survival.
As the weeks go on, try to establish a routine. Knowing what is coming next can be helpful to feel in control of your life again, even if your baby sometimes makes you feel out of control.
In moments of stress, you may contemplate hurting your baby, just to make them stop crying. You quickly try and flush these thoughts from your brain because it makes you feel like a monster. You know you don't mean it, but beat yourself up anyway for having the thought fly through your head.
Please know that you are good enough to be a mom. You do not have to be a "perfect mom." You ARE the perfect mom for your baby and don't need to measure yourself up to anyone else.
The laundry may be piling up, dust might be building on the dressers, and you might not be able to recall the last time you cooked a hot meal, but it's okay. Change your expectations, don't pressure yourself to try and do everything, or anything for that matter. Do what you can and leave the rest. Chores will be there when you're ready to tackle them.
Postpartum depression does not make you weak. But, getting through it can make you stronger. Seek help from your doctor or a therapist. Sometimes talking to someone can be the best solution, sometimes it takes medication. Don't be afraid. The most important thing to remember is that your mental health is important to your baby and being the best mom you can be means taking care of yourself. Trust me, your baby will appreciate you even more for it.
The earlier you seek treatment the quicker you can get back to being the mom you always dreamed you would be.
Know that through all this pain and struggle that I am proud of you for all that you're doing for yourself and your new baby already. I wish you the best, on the path to recovery. It won't always be easy, but know that there is support out there for you and that your baby loves you for who you are.
From a mom who's been there,
Danielle