Yesterday, I went walking at lunch with my two littlest kiddos (four and eleven months). I felt the pull to move faster because I only had an hour to eat, exercise, and spend time with my kids until the next meeting started. I was on the clock (like I always am). I was hoping to multi-task (like I always do) and knock out some exercise while pushing the baby and talking with my four year old. The thing is, my four year old was not walking at an acceptable pace or pushing the stroller with enough force to get it over the tree roots and sand. But before I had a chance to just take over and tell him to keep up with me, I stopped.
What was more important here? My exercise or my connection with my child? Because my goal most days is to maximize EVERYTHING and squeeze the most out of life. I need to bring in a paycheck, teach my kids, pray, eat right, exercise, and do some laundry (always laundry). To say I’m in a constant state of rush doesn’t accurately capture it. It probably feels dizzying to most, but it’s just a regular state of mind to me.
But this time, I stopped.
I resisted the urge to take the stroller. I let him walk at his own pace. I didn’t rush him. And you know what? Something magical happened.
He told me, “Look mommy! I’m SO STRONG! I’m pushing Cora!” Followed by me asking if that was a tough thing he was doing. “Yeah,” he replied. “But you can help me if I get stuck.” He had internalized a message for himself that he could do hard things, but also knew that I would be there to help him if he needed it. Isn’t that the foundation that I want to teach? The message didn’t come from a book, it came from a walk.
I sometimes feel (like most parents) that I miss the mark on a daily basis. When my seven year old during pretend play frantically tells me that she is so busy she doesn’t know how she’s going to get it all done, and that she’s worried that she’s going to get fired, all while typing on her pretend cell phone, I realize that there is a mirror in front of me. While I LOVE her ambition to do it all, I really want to teach her to slow down, but my modeling of the subject is subpar at best.
I am reminded of the bible story of when Jesus visited Mary and Martha. In this story, Martha is seen running around doing all the preparations and resenting her sister, while Mary sits and visits with Jesus. I am Martha, in a constant state of doing all the things, and holding it together. Martha is so busy that she misses what is in front of her. Jesus says to her, “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (NIV, Luke 10:41-42)
My four year old, like Mary, has the right idea. Enjoy the moment in front of you because once the moment has past there is no amount of money that you can pay to get it back. No matter how rich you are you can’t buy time. Take time to slow down. The laundry can wait, the emails will still be there. The walk might be slow, but slow today created a positive connection that will last long into both our lives. Slow is probably just what we both needed. My advice as we head into the holidays, rest, reflect, and see what comes to you. It’s this message that I needed today (and everyday) more than ever.