The past 9 and a half months have flown by. I can't believe that in less than 3 months my baby will be one year old! Caitiejane seems to have grown up even faster than Gardner! As we approach her turning one, and she takes in more food, my milk supply has begun to drop. Thus, it will only be a matter of weeks (but hopefully 3 months) before we stop nursing completely. If we make it until her first birthday I won't be completely sad about that, but I'm also realistic that I'm not producing what I once was. There are things I'm going to miss about nursing her, and things that I'm definitely not. Thus the reason for this post.
Things I will NOT miss about nursing
Pumping every 3-4 hours
During the day when I'm away from Caitiejane, I stop everything, no matter where I am, or what I'm doing, and find a locked door and an outlet. I've pumped in a closet at the East Carolina basketball arena, in the car after I've run a race, and on the floor of a family bathroom at Target. In order to keep up a supply this is a necessity... stop, drop, and pump. I'm not going to miss holing myself up in a closet or interrupting my conversation to excuse myself and find someone that can help me with a place to pump.
Feeling exhausted everyday
Feeding your child takes a lot out of you. In addition to chasing Gardner (he's 2) and now Caitiejane (9 months and scaling furniture), my body is constantly finding calories to make milk. Making milk burns about 500 calories per day. While I do enjoy my slim body because of the nursing, I could use some extra energy. Despite my best efforts to fill myself with extra calories during the day I'm ready to let my head hit the pillow minutes after the kids go to sleep. I'm ready to have just a sliver of energy back, since my body won't be working overtime.
Imersonating a character from "The Walking Dead"
Nursing is exhausting. I don't want to say this too loud, but recently Caitiejane has been sleeping all night. Literally, within the last 2 weeks she's be doing this on a consistent basis. Though she may have just heard me type that out, so I'm guessing that my restful nights are over. Walking to her room at all hours of the night and working full-time makes me look like a zombie both day and night. I won't miss my trips to her room where I nurse her with my head in my hand on the rocking chair.
Cleaning pump parts
I try and try to get the pump parts clean. I'm always with a brush washing the breast shields, and running the bottles through the dishwasher. I also try and get those tubes clean, but it feels like a fruitless endeavor. I'm definitely not going to miss disassembling the pump to get every crevice clean.
Things I WILL miss about nursing
The bonding time
I love that even if I'm a zombie in the middle of the night that we have that special time together. I love that we have bonded this past year in a way that kids just can't bond with anyone else in their life. I will miss feeling her palm on my chest patting it as she nurses. There is nothing sweeter.
Burning 500 calories a day
I'm looking forward to not being as exhausted, but not having to exercise because my body was burning calories making milk was kind of nice. Nursing shrunk my body incredibly quickly, but once I stop I'll have to find another way to burn those calories. I will miss having my body take care of that. I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant with her. Thanks breastfeeding!
Gardner's comments about my milk
In the morning if Caitiejane was still sleeping I would pump before I headed out the door to work. I am going to miss Gardner coming in to the kitchen and saying, "Mommy making milk for Caitiejane." To which I would reply, "Yes, mommy is making milk for Caitiejane." Even the two year old knows the importance of making milk for his baby sister. It warmed my heart when he would recognize what I was doing, even if it was inadvertently.
Being able to comfort Caitiejane
When she has been changed, burped, and rocked, but nothing would stop her from crying, breastfeeding would soothe her. I'm going to miss not being able to do this for her. It truly made everything better.
The satisfaction
I will miss the satisfaction that comes with breastfeeding. I know not everyone is fortunate or able to give their babies breast milk, but I feel so lucky and so much satisfaction that I've been able to breastfeed my daughter as long as I have. Whether we make it another 3 months or 1 week I know that I've given her such a great start and it feels wonderful.