To My Third Child,
I need to start with an apology. I’m sorry. There are things that I cannot give you in the same way I gave our first two children... Things like peace and quiet.
I cannot guarantee I can keep the other children from running, playing, laughing, crying, and throwing tantrums. It would be unrealistic to promise silence while you’re trying to sleep. I hope you don’t mind.
Also, being that you’re the second boy, I cannot promise that your clothing isn’t spaghetti stained or has a mud stain from that time your brother literally sat in a mud puddle for twenty minutes and played. I didn't have you in mind when I let him do that, but he really had a lot of fun! Who knows, maybe you'll play in that same mud puddle one day and we'll make those same memories together. That being said, I don’t get you as many new things as I did with the first two. You inherited all the clothes the first boy has outgrown, though they are pretty stylish (mommy has good taste).
Then there are the toys. Oh the buckets and bins of toys. It feels like an explosion of toys in our house no matter how many times I purge them. So the toys you get to play with have been discarded by the other two children. I hope to surprise you once in a while with something new, but for the most part you get the hand-me-downs. It’s likely that the hand-me-down toys have some pieces are missing, forever lost under a couch, behind a bookshelf or in a car somewhere. Still, I hope that these things bring you as much joy as it has brought your brother and sister.
I cannot give you the same attention I have the other two. They still require a lot of attention and I do my best daily to give everyone the attention they deserve. But it will never be the same amount of attention I gave to our first child. After all, he was the only one for a while.
I cannot watch you grow without thinking of when and how the other two learned how to do certain things. I will of course accept your timeline and methods for walking, talking, and learning, but will wonder what I did differently this time to make you different or if it’s just your nature.
Despite some of these shortcomings, there are also things I can give you that I didn’t give the other two. I can give you a more well-rounded and understanding version of myself as a parent. All the kinks have been worked out for the most part (courtesy of your brother and sister). All the mistakes I made with your siblings will stay with me so I don’t make those mistakes with you. I’m not saying you won’t challenge me or that I will be perfect, but I will have more patience and experience than I did with your siblings
I have given you playmates, companions for life (I hope) that understand what it’s like to have siblings and have me as a parent. At least one of them has never known life without a sibling. I hope that they accept you as their third amigo when you get old enough to truly interact with them.
I will give you organized chaos. With three of you it will probably feel like we’re constantly moving, and it’s likely that we are, but in the most deliberate and orchestrated way. Without being organized we wouldn’t be able to thrive. While you'd probably be fine without a little organization mommy would be a little crazier than I already am.
I can give you my presence because I realize, more than ever, how fast you grow up. Rather than being buried in my phone or computer, I will be present more than ever. Thanks to your siblings, I know that I shouldn’t miss a moment because moments are fleeting, going as quickly as they came. I don't want to blink and wonder where the time went, though I'm sure that's inevitable.
Of course, I can give you the most tender love. I’ve learned that while I didn’t think I could possibly love another child as much as I loved the first and then the second, you showed me that I can. In many ways I owe you a thank you for showing me that I am capable of this kind of love.
Most of all, I'm going to give you my best and hope that I can foster love, respect, and drive in you. That's my mission for all my children. I want you and your siblings to be happy, fulfilled, and be able to make your own way in the world.
So for all the things I can't give you and all the things I can, I truly hope that you come away with a life that you want.
With Love,
Mama