Photo by Vlad Kiselov on Unsplash
2020… a dumpster fire, am I right? I felt the need to try and remember life before embracing “quarantine-life” and it’s not easy. So much has changed since we rang in the New Year in 2020. It has been a journey to say the least.
Late in 2019 we received Gardner’s autism diagnosis and 2020 became the year of therapy for him. Starting in January, Gardner had occupational therapy twice a week and speech therapy once a week and later that spring another virtual therapy with the TEACCH Center once a week. I was constantly at appointments with him and I was struggling to figure out how exactly I was going to keep balancing my working life with my crazy home life, consumed with appointments. While I worked for an amazing boss who was so flexible with the chaos I presented her, I knew that my crazy life was going to catch up to me at some point. But, what else could I do but keep going forward? So I did.
I ran from morning appointments with Gardner, got him to daycare, then drove into work, did my job and came home for the evening grind. By the time my head hit the pillow I was beyond exhausted. The juggle struggle was real.
Then in March, COVID-19. Need I say more?
At first, I was excited to be at home working. I certainly didn’t think working from home would become my new normal. Not knowing what the future held, I decided to save us some money and take my kids out of daycare. So in March I was working at home full-time, with four kids under the age of six. Was I insane?
To make matters worse, in July there was a possibility of partial furlough from my job, until our unit managed to figure out how not to be furloughed, which only put off the inevitable. Ultimately, I was eventually furloughed 100%, which is basically like a job loss.
I navigated unemployment in October for a few weeks until I landed a new job with one of my clients. What a blessing!! I consider myself incredibly lucky to have secured something so fast, as I know most people haven’t been as fortunate this past year.
I had my first kid go to kindergarten in August, first remotely, then in person, now remotely again, and hopefully in person again later in January. Can you say whiplash?
The start of remote school was awful. Like, head in the pillow, both of us crying everyday, kind of awful. Eventually, he got the hang of it, but man were those days hard. I cried at night, I cried to my boss, I thought, “How am I going to do this for nine weeks?” I was a wreck. Now that we’re in a groove, he seems to like it, both remote school and in person school. He doesn’t really know any different, so we’re in a place where things are working.
During that time, his TEACCH therapist was as much my therapist as she was his. That woman and his two occupational therapists were sent by God. They got me through some of the most challenging behaviors I’ve had to deal with and provided me the tools to figure out how to deal with him.
My brother got married this year and I gained another “sister.” It wasn’t the wedding they had planned, but it didn’t make it less beautiful! Remote school was actually a blessing, since it allowed us to travel to New Jersey without taking Gardner out of school.
I blogged throughout 2020 about “How I’m trying not to treat a gift like a burden”, “Time is only lost if you forget to live”, "Managing the unknowns of the world”, and “The upsides of COVID-19”. At the end of this year, through these posts, I get to look back and think, “What the hell happened?” and “Did I really just survive this?” and “Dang, I did pretty okay.”
Isn’t that all we can ask for at this point? I mean, aren’t we all just “okay?” Who would have thought the question, “How are you?” would become such a loaded question in 2020. Honestly, I think mediocre is probably the best we can do. I never thought I would strive for just mediocre, but here I am killing it! I think we all deserve a dang medal for surviving this year.
It’s Christmas this week and in looking back on 2020 I have so much to be grateful for. This time of year is a good reminder that God has a plan and EVENTUALLY, on His time, it’s all going to turn out okay. It’s not easy to trust the process, but I’m reminded through this reflection that I need to trust Him.
The things that were hard this year showed me that I can survive it and I have a feeling its preparing me for something else. I don’t know what yet, but I’m glad to have been able to spend 2020 with my kids where I got to know all their personality quirks (good, bad, or ugly), acclimate to working at home (mostly successfully), and soldier through remote school. The tears, laughter, and infinite hours of Zoom calls were worth it.
Here’s to 2021! May the lessons you learned in 2020 not be forgotten, and may 2021 be challenging in a different way than 2020 was. I know I’m not alone when I say that I’m excited to close the chapter of 2020. Good riddance! But also, thanks for the memories!