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I’ve been noticing recently that the things I tell myself will drastically affect my mood. This doesn’t seem like a huge epiphany, but when you’re consuming things that make you feel “less than” or are made for you to feel outrage, this all contributes greatly to the narrative I tell myself. Noticing what I’m consuming makes a huge difference in how I feel about myself as a mom.
It’s easy to get sucked in to the Facebook and Instagram “doom scrolling.” I view the seemingly perfect lives of my fellow moms and influencers and wonder how they do it, until I realize an hour has gone by and I feel awful. I cognitively know that they are likely presenting the “best” photo and yet it’s so easy to become envious or feel like I’m not doing enough.
I also read articles from various websites like Her View From Home, Motherly, and Scary Mommy. I’ve been seeing a lot of outrage about how much the pandemic has affected moms. I know that many moms have had to drop out of the workforce to care for children or try and balance working from home and virtual school. I understand why people are angry and feeling defeated. A lot has felt out of control or done “to us” these last two years.
Recently, I started wondering if the things I read or saw were telling me how I felt as opposed to me noticing what I was actually feeling. I realized it was the former. The news, articles, podcasts, and social media I was consuming told me I should be angry and that I couldn’t handle it all.
Now don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of times of struggle during the last two years. I distinctly remember being on the phone with my previous boss in tears because it was just so hard to parent four kids at home, work full-time, and manage remote school for a special needs child. At that time, I had succumbed to the pressure that had been put on us as moms. And the media I consumed completely reverberated my feelings so accurately.
I tried to take back some of the power by posting about my #covidcoworkers (AKA my children). I needed to be the counter culture to what I was seeing. I needed to be real. I needed people to know that it was okay to laugh. And I needed to laugh, so I wouldn’t fall apart. I wanted desperately to believe that I was okay.
Eventually, I realized that all the things I had been consuming was making me feel awful, despite my best attempts to bring levity to the situation. It was hard, but seeing either the perfection of all the bread-making or the outrage of all the pro versus anti-mask rhetoric was just too much. I decided that I needed to make a change.
I could either stop consuming all media or I could change how I reacted to it. I went with a little bit of both… plus a dose of gratitude. I decided that I would cut down my social media use AND consume the news with a mindfulness perspective. I would take a minute to notice if what I was reading or hearing was an accurate reflection of the life I was living. I also decided that I would remind myself of all that I was grateful for and surround myself people that lived life with a grateful heart too. I started looking to God for guidance instead of media (social or otherwise).
It worked. The messages I started to tell myself changed. I told myself that I was enough and that I knew best for my family (imperfections and all). That I had so much to be grateful for, and that anything that was too hard needed prayer and I gave it to God.
That’s not to say that all my anxieties went away. I am still the same type A, organized, goal-oriented person that is in a constant state of improvement. But, I didn’t have to compare myself to others. I didn’t need to take on emotions that didn’t reflect my reality or shoulder a burden that wasn’t mine to begin with.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed with all that life throws at us. Being mindful of the messages we tell ourselves can keep us grounded in what our reality is. My emotional reality is grateful that I get to homeschool my kids, work a fulfilling job, and surround myself with friends that are supportive. The thing is… this was always my reality, but the message I used to tell myself wasn’t true.